


When Boundaries Fall Away

by DivineDescent



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Fix-It, I don't believe in killing characters I love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineDescent/pseuds/DivineDescent
Summary: A road trip, A tiny bit of sadness, brothers keeping secrets (not too well), some resolution, and hopefully an enjoyable story.  15X20 does not exist in my reality or this story.  This story takes place directly after 15X19.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my version of things. Basically, I'm doing it my way. I hope you like it. I will try to update tomorrow.

Chapter 1

Driving down the road, windows rolled down, radio turned up, Dean turns slightly to his baby brother riding shotgun. “We’re finally here Sammy! After everything, we made it. We’re free.”

Sam glances over at his brother, taking in the sunlight falling on his face, his small smile, the one Sam knows in his heart is Dean’s famous ‘fake it till you make it’ smile. But he won’t let on. He shrugs instead. “I guess so; it feels like it. I don’t know.” He looks back out the window, hair blowing in the wind. “You really believe it? You think we’re done?”

Dean glances in the rearview mirror and smiles wide at the shaggy dog sitting in the back seat. “Almost 100%.” The smile drops a little as the thoughts of the years gone by run quickly through his head. Faces of the people he loved and lost, those that loved him, the ones he couldn’t save. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel and he swallowed down a lump in his throat. He had to do this for Sam. He had to do this for Sam. He had to do this for Sam. The brother he pulled out of a burning house. The brother he practically raised while their father was off getting his revenge. The brother he pulled from a happy life to and dragged into this mess. The brother he went to hell for… and would again. Yeah, he could do this for him. 

After a short stop at a Gas and Sip Sam slides back in the Impala, throwing a beef jerky at Dean’s head. “Road trip with no monsters at the end. Who would have thought?” 

Dean opens the jerky and bites a piece off. “Yeah well, you hallucinated a Grand Canyon trip back when you were doing the trials so I figured we should do it for real now that we can.”

“You sure we were never there? I swear I remember a farty donkey”

“Dude, do you really think our Dad took us on a real vacation?” He looked over at his brother with a raised eyebrow.

Sam shrugged “Yeah, you’re probably right. Doesn’t sound like him at all.”

“You had about a 107-degree fever, saying all sorts of crazy stuff. The donkey story was great though, Sam.” Dean tossed a piece of his jerky to Miracle in the back seat. “Really, you should write that crap down.”

They pulled up to their campsite shortly before dusk. “You know, this is nice. Doing normal stuff. I never thought I’d get you, of all people, to do something like this and I quote ‘Only hippies sleep in the woods, Sammy’.” Sam mockingly laughed at his brother.

“What Sam, a guy can’t change? Grow? Try new things?” Dean fired back as he rolled out the camping tent they’d found at the bunker.

“Yeah, sure. But seriously, are you okay?” Sam’s asked. “I mean the last couple of days has been a whole lot of ‘new things’ for you. Are you really good… with everything?”

Dean pulled a tent pole out of a nylon bag and began feeding it through the tent. “Look, just because I got a dog and agreed to join you on this granola munching hippifest does not mean that I suddenly wanna bust out the Celine Dion or sing Kumbaya around the campfire.”

“Dean it’s just…”

“Sam look, can we just enjoy this trip? Enjoy the peace?”

“Yeah man, sure. I just feel like I got my happy ending, you know.” Sam shrugged. “Like Eileen will be coming home from Ireland next week and hell, I don’t know where that’s headed but I’m happy and…” Sam paused, not sure if he should go on but… “You smile Dean, but I know you. You need to…” 

“Drop it Sam. Please.” Dean rubbed his hand down his face and took a deep breath.

“We can bring him back. He doesn’t deserve to be left there. Jack can bring him back.” 

“Well he didn’t.” Dean finally let his wall down. He banged the last peg into the ground and tossed the mallet aside. “He considered him his Dad. If he was gonna bring him back, he would have. Do you see him here?” Dean waved his hand around. “No. So, there’s your answer. Let it go.” He turned around to add some wood to the fire.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way. I just assumed.” Sam threw a log on the fire causing sparks to fly in the air. 

“Lets just concentrate on sightseeing. He wanted us to have this Sam.”

Behind the boys, Miracle suddenly stood alert and softly growled into the slowly darkening woods. Sam and Dean jumped up to search out the impending danger. Out from under a small bush scurried a fat racoon. Sam laughed. “Dude, you totally looked like you thought a wendigo was gonna jump out of there.”

Dean reached into the cooler, pulled a couple beers out and threw one to Sam. “Shut up, bitch”

“Jerk.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sam and Dean walk into the bunker, the eerie silence meets them at the door like a gust of wind. This had been their home, the place they’d built with their found family. A family that’s gone now, as though they’d never been there at all. Suddenly it didn’t feel like a home at all, just a burnt-out shell. Dean threw his bag down on the table and moved into the kitchen.

“Hey Sammy, we need supplies.” Dean yelled a few moments later from in front of the refrigerator. “Got nothing in here but spoiled milk and some sort of nasty, wilted, green stuff. I’m headed to the store to grab some grub.”

Sam popped his head into the room. “Yeah, OK, but how bout you pick up more than just beer and pizza this time.” He walked back out. “I’m gonna take a shower then work on documenting some of what happened.” He brushed the hair back from his face. “Though I’m not entirely sure how to word it so future hunters find it the least bit believable.”

“Don’t worry, Sammy. Hunters are an easy sell.” Dean laughed as he grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair, grabbed his keys, and headed out.

**

As soon as Dean got settled in the car, he turned on his phone and dialed. “Hey Carl. Were you able to get what I needed?”

…”Yeah man, I got it, but no one knows for sure that its gonna work the way you want it to.” The voice on the phone answered. “As a matter of fact, the general consensus is that it will probably kill you.”

“Yeah, well that is kind of the idea, buddy.” Dean smirked into the phone. Like, what the hell did he think the point was? “But, if everything works out, it won’t be permanent... hopefully.” He laughed.

“You have officially lost your damn mind. And Sam is good with this?” The voice asked.

Dean’s eye roll was epic. “I don’t want him involved in this… at all. He’s out. You and me are the only ones that can be involved in this. We sell it as a trip to Atlantic City… Guys night out. Clear?”

“You ever gonna tell me what this is all about or am I just expected to put a blindfold on and follow you off this cliff?”

Dean sighed, yeah, he should probably come clean, but not yet. Not until he had to. “Man, I’ll tell you what I can when we meet up Thursday.”

“Why Thursday?”

“Because Eileen gets back Wednesday afternoon, and Sam will be busy.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes again. “Dude, stop with the pessimism, it’s all good.”

“Famous last words, my friend.”

“Maybe so, but thanks. I owe you one when this is over.”

“You owe me more than one. Man, if this goes sideways your brother and that Angel of yours will see me dead... painfully.”

“Yeah, probably not.” Dean sighed, tapped the phone off and threw it on the passenger’s seat. “Five more days. Just hold on, buddy.” 

**

“You’re going where? With who?” Sam threw his fork down and stared at his brother. “Why have I never heard of this guy?”

“Are you serious right now? When did you suddenly become my mother?” Dean threw his fork down too and pushed himself from the table. “I need a break and I don’t need your permission.”

“We just had a break, or did I hallucinate that trip too?” Sam yelled back. “And no, you don’t need my permission, but I’ve never even heard of this guy. Like where’d he even come from?” Sam asked a little calmer. Really, it would be great if his brother really did just want to take a road trip to gamble or whatever, but he knows Dean and he remembers what Chuck showed him. It made him realize, finally. It’s always been that way. Anytime they’d lost Cas, Dean didn’t function. Every single thing he did was self-destructive and unhealthy. No way in hell is this time different. “Do I at least get to meet this guy before you take off to ‘Atlantic City’?” Sam had the audacity to air-quote the Atlantic City part.

“Let me guess; you wanna give him the famous ‘if you hurt him, I kill you’ speech?” Dean air-quoted right back at him.

Sam rubbed his temples and sighed in defeat. “No, Dean. I just want to make sure he knows its cool to call me if by chance… Don’t even deny it. I’m not an idiot. If by chance, you guys get in any kind of trouble.”

Dean clenched his jaw and took a breath. “Sure, I’ll introduce you to the guy. You can even exchange numbers and if by chance some pit boss decides we’re counting cards, I’ll have him give you a call.”

“When are you leaving?” Sam knew he was just wasting his breath. 

“Thursday morning. We planned on meeting up at Danny’s Diner for breakfast. You and Eileen could come along, grab some breakfast with us before we go.” He turned to leave but stopped. “Just, leave the shotgun at home. He’s a decent dude.” With that he walked away to pack and tell Miracle to be a good boy for his Uncle Sammy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying so far. It will most likely be Monday before I can update again due to my work schedule.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean strolled into the small diner and slid into the equally small booth, forcing a burly looking, middle-aged man to slide over, closer to the window. “Dude, personal space. We ain’t at the sharing the same side of a booth stage yet.” The man grumbled, looking down at the half inch space between them.”

Just then, Sam and Eileen turned the corner and slid into the other side. “Carl, this is my brother Sam and Eileen, his girlfriend.” He waved his hand between the two of them. “Guys, this is Carl.” He turned to his friend and rolled his eyes. “Sam wanted to give you ‘the talk’ before we ride off together.” Dean picked up the menu and started browsing.

The man laughed at that, finally relaxing his stiff posture. Light brown eyes shining with amusement. “Well, I didn’t expect that.” He held his hand out to Eileen first, “Its nice to meet you ma’am”. Eileen shook his hand then told him the same while signing. Carl smiled and greeted Sam the Sam way, except instead of shaking his hand, he signed as well.

“You know sign language?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah, my mom lost her hearing when she was young, so I’ve been signing my whole life.” He explained. “It’s just second nature now. Dean didn’t tell me you guys were coming.”

“They’re not. They’re here for the meet and greet and some greasy food, then they are going home to do coupley things and you and I are going to gamble and drink.” Dean declared over the top of the menu. “I’m ready to order.”

Dean called the waitress over and the table gave their orders. “So, how did you two meet?” Sam asked after the waitress had left. “I mean, no offense, but with all the crap that’s gone down lately, I didn’t think there were any hunters left that I didn’t know.”

“He’s not a hunter, Sam.” Dean interrupted leaving Carl sitting there with his mouth open, about to spill things Dean didn’t want Sam to know. Carl just looked down at the table and pursed his lips, outwardly uncomfortable.

“We met in Vegas about ten or so years ago. We kept in touch a little over the years.” Carl finally supplied after the silence had lasted too long. “Dean said you were doing ‘some hippy thing’ or something.” Technically it was true. “I don’t know nothing about any hunting. Just gambling and beer. Yup.” He elbowed Dean to leave the booth. “I gotta pee. Get up”

After Carl was through the bathroom door, Sam shook his head. “Didn’t even warn the guy to prepare a decent lie?” Sam rubbed his temples. “Look, whatever. I can’t stop you from doing whatever it is you’re doing. Just don’t … I really…”

Dean took another sip of coffee and looked up at Sam. “Whatever Hallmark movie you have in your head, this aint it. I need to do this, and I need you to spend time with Eileen and take care of Miracle. I’m not asking.” Dean slid out of the booth and threw a couple of twenties down on the table. Tell Carl I’ll be waiting in the car.”

“Would you wrap mine to go please, sweetheart? The other three will be staying, but I have to head out.” Dean explained to the waitress at the counter. 

“Sure.” She smiled back at him. “I have them ready right now.” The waitress replated his order into a Styrofoam plate and poured some fresh coffee into a to go cup as well and handed it to him with a soft smile. “Here you go honey. Have a great day.” He thanked her and headed out the door.

******************

“Dean skedaddle?” Carl asked as he sat back down in the booth.

Sam nodded. “Yup. Said he’d wait in the car. So, I figure that the discussion is done. I’m not gonna ask any more questions. He vouched for you, so that’s good for me.”

“I know you’re worried. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was too.” Carl passed Sam a piece of paper. “I have no idea what this is really about, but he’s way too content with the idea that this can go really bad, if you know what I mean. But he is adamant about you not being there.”

Sam looked at the small piece of paper and recognized the address immediately. “It’s about Cas.” He handed the note to Eileen. She looked at it and nodded to Sam who ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. 

“Cas? The Angel?” Carl asked. 

“Yeah. He sacrificed himself to save Dean. It happened a couple of weeks ago. He hasn’t really talked too much about it, I don’t think he can talk about it, but I know him, and I knew he’d never just let it go.” He turned to Eileen and signed. “We have to help with this.” 

She nodded in agreement. “Of course.”

“So, that would explain him asking me to find angel grace.” Carl handed the vial to Sam.

Sam turned it over in his hand. “What the hell does he plan to do with this?” He handed it back.

“Look, I’m sure he left us alone in here knowing that I’d give you some vague idea of what’s going on. I know he hates keeping things from you, but man, do what you need to with that address. Do it by 9:37pm. But I can’t give you anything else. Hell, he didn’t even tell me the Angel was dead.” Carl wiped his mouth with a white napkin and threw it down on his plate. And stood up. “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, Sam.” He turned to Eileen and signed. “It was a pleasure to meet you too.”

Sam grabbed his arm before he could leave. “How do you really know Dean?”

“That weekend you were doing your annual trip, I guess he got bored and looked for a hunt.” He paused and took a deep breath. “My wife and I had been hiking and something, I know now that it was a werewolf, dragged her away. I tried to catch it, but it was just too fast. I can still hear her screams as she was pulled farther and farther away from me. I watched the love of my life being dragged away and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Dean helped me find her, at least what it had left of her.” He was balling his fists so hard that when he finally released them, his nails had left indentations in his skin. “He also helped me process what happened, kept me from doing something really dumb. Kept me alive when we hunted that thing down and killed it. I became a hunter after that.” With that he walked away and out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it so far. I will update as soon as I can.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sam ran into the bunker and started throwing whatever he could grab the fastest into his duffel bag. “I have no idea what he’s gonna do and I have no idea how to stop him and I have no idea how to help him.” He kept tossing things in his bag while ranting. 

Eileen pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around him and held him. “Hey, look at me.” She lifted his chin up to look her in the eyes. “It will be ok. We’ll find him.”

Sam wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. She had such a calming effect on him. After everything he’d been through, he’d have never guessed that something as simple as his arms around another human being could so effectively bring him such calm. 

He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled back, smiling softly. “Unfortunately, we can’t just find him and drag him home. We have to fix this. We have to find a way to get Cas back.” He knew nothing less would fix this. Dean, of all people, deserved his happy ending, Sam just wasn’t sure he could get it. This should be so simple. Just ask Jack. Why the hell hadn’t the kid brought his father figure back?

Eileen pulled back, looked up at him and gently kissed his cheek. “Sam, if we can’t, maybe we can just find a way to help him grieve, move on, find a different happy ending. We’ve all lost people we cared about. We all had to learn to move on.”

Maybe that was the whole point. People weren’t supposed to keep coming back. Death is supposed to be the end. Sam brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. “If it were you, he’d follow me to the end of the universe and beyond to help get you back.”

She nodded. “So, how do we help?”

“I don’t know.” And that was the problem. He didn’t know. Purgatory, Heaven, Hell, those were easier. They had no way into the empty that he knew of. “I assumed that Jack would have stepped in on this one, but Dean’s right. Why hasn’t he? I mean, maybe he can’t.” He shrugged. “Maybe being ‘God’ changed him and he just stopped caring.”

“I didn’t.” Sam and Eileen turned in tandem to come face to face with Jack. “I want to bring him back, believe me, I do.” Jack stood perfectly still, exuding an aura of calm. “But Cas won’t wake up. I tried as soon as Dean told us what happened, but nothing. I tried again after I absorbed Chuck’s power. Still nothing.”

Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Good to see you, Jack.” He leaned against the table; arms crossed. “So, what do we do about my brother, then? This is supposed to be over, Jack. He’s never been able to walk away from Cas before. How are we supposed tell him that he can’t be saved this time?”

“We don’t.” Jack replied casually. 

“What? You just said…”

“What I said was that he wouldn’t wake up for me.” He shrugged. “Maybe he’ll wake up for Dean. It’s worth a shot.”

“No, it’s not, Jack.” The flippancy that Jack was displaying bothered Sam. “How the hell would a human even get into the empty if a God can’t? More importantly, how would one get out?”

Jack pulled out a chair, sat down, and looked up at Sam. “When I was born, Dean hated me. He blamed me for causing Cas’ death. He thought I had brainwashed him somehow. I was afraid of Dean. He terrified me. And he was scared too, of having to live without Cas, because of me. I think it was that mixture of anger and terror that enabled me to wake Cas up. It wasn’t all me. It was Dean too.”

Jack looked to Sam for understanding, then continued. “When I absorbed Chuck’s power, I wanted to give him Cas back so bad and I wanted to give Castiel his life back. He died for me. Even if he triggered the deal to save Dean, the deal, itself was to save me. I want them to be happy, Sam. I know Dean is never going to be happy if Cas is in the Empty. Especially with the way he got there. I know he blames himself. I remember how terrified I was of Dean’s blame. Now he’s projecting all that anger and blame on himself. To be angry and scared at the same time? Not doing this? That will kill him. He will give up, Sam. He’ll get sloppy on some low-budget hunt and…”

“I know.” Sam plopped down in the chair next to Jack. Yeah, he knew the kid was right, but why couldn’t he help? What was so wrong with him just being there to lend support?

As if he could read minds, Jack smiled sadly at Sam. “Because Dean isn’t ready to involve you in this. He wants you to enjoy your freedom and be normal for a change. Like you always wanted.”

“But I’m not normal. None of us are normal.” He laughed. “Even Eileen’s been dead and to hell and brought back with a spell.”

“Hey!” Eileen walked over and swatted him playfully.

Sam pulled her down and kissed her on the cheek. “I don’t want normal and I don’t want to lose my brother in some kamikaze side quest to save Cas.”

Jack tried to speak, but Sam put his hand up to stop him. “I know Cas is important to Dean. He’s the best friend the guy ever had and they have this crazy bond. I care about Cas too and I want him back. I just think we should do it together and have a solid plan in place first.”

Jack looked at the floor. He knew Sam was scared for his brother and he understood why. “Dean has a plan. I… helped. I kind of sent inspiration. Placed the idea in…”

“You helped?” That’s the same damn line Chuck used on me with Eileen.” Sam stopped talking abruptly and stood up, frowning at Jack. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely?”

“No Sam. It’s not like that. It’s just that I know things now that I didn’t before, and I owe all three of you. The whole world owes you. I owe Dean. I have a plan.”

“That will work…hopefully?” Sam mocked. He knew Jack, trusted Jack against all odds in the past. But at the end of the day, Jack was just a kid. An idealistic, overpowered kid, but still just a kid. Letting Dean’s fate rest with a three-year-old scared the hell out of him.

Jack tried to put a hand on Sam’s shoulder, but Sam took a step back. Jack exhaled and nodded. ”All we really have in this world is hope, Sam. Without at least giving him this chance, there is absolutely no hope. I am begging you to trust me, like you did before. Please.”

“Do I even get a choice?” Sam knew that Jack could get whatever he wanted now.

“Everyone has a choice. You know exactly where Dean will be and when he will be there. I won’t stop you if you insist on interfering. I’m simply asking that you let Dean make his own choices. Let him do this for him. Don’t take his choice away from him.”

Sam ran his fingers through his hair then slid his packed bag across the table. “Fine. I’ll stay out of it. But just answer one question: What story are you writing, Jack?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far. When I started this, my intent was to keep it strictly to what would be acceptable canon for the show itself, but that's not what fanfic is for and it certainly isn't what my characters want. So, this took a little detour. I hope to be able to update within the week. Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“I’m only giving Dean a way to do what it is he wants and needs to do. Without my help, it’s impossible.” Jack understood why Sam might think the way he was. God power equals Chuck equals loss of free will and deception. “I’m not like him. I’m not writing anything.” He hung his head. “I just want to help.”

“I know, Jack. I shouldn’t have said….” But Jack had already disappeared. Sam turned to Eileen, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Finish packing and I’ll go grab a few things too. We can let the town kids babysit Miracle.” She gently patted his cheek. “We don’t take orders from baby Gods.”

Sam chuckled. In that moment. He couldn’t have loved her more.

******************

Dean sat down at the small round motel table and opened a grease stained bag of take-out. He took out a burger and fries then slid the bag to Carl. “These are by far the best burgers in the state. One bite and you’ll be hooked for life.” Dean said with a mouth full of burger before moaning and wiping the dripping grease from his mouth with the back of his hand.

Carl pushed the bag aside and frowned at his old friend. “Dean, what am I doing here? Why am I here instead of Sam? He’s the better hunter, he’s the better choice for this. You have to tell me or I’m out.”

Dean put the sandwich down. “Short version; I need to rescue a friend from a bad place.”

“Yeah, I get that. Cas, your Angel, right?” Carl questioned raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he doesn’t belong there. After everything, I just can’t let him stay there.” He shrugged and tried to get back to his burger.

“So why me? We haven’t even talked in years.”

“Because to do this, I have to essentially die. If it doesn’t work, If I can’t find him, I could possibly stay dead. Sam would be a bitch about that part.” He went back to his sandwich with a warning glare to his friend that clearly said he didn’t want to discuss it.

“Jesus Christ Dean. That’s it? I’m here because you assume that I don’t care enough to not let you “essentially” die?” Why did everyone love air quotes so damn much? 

Dean threw the sandwich down and stared at Carl. “The only thing I assumed was that you’d understand.”

“I’d understand? You, yourself talked me down years ago from doing something pretty damn similar. What the hell kind of person do you think I am that you think I would be okay with this?”

“The kind who knows what its like to have someone they care about be taken away and be willing to do anything to get them back.” He paused to deflate a little. “You aren’t here to hold my hand and you’re certainly not here to hold me back. You’re here to make sure that if something goes sideways, my body gets back to Sam. Plain and simple.” Dean knew how cold that sounded, but it was true. If he came here alone and died, Sam would never know what happened. He couldn’t do that to his brother.

“Fine.” Carl knew there was no point in arguing any further. “So, what got him?”

Yeah, that was a loaded question… He certainly couldn’t say ‘I did’, even though that was true. “When Angels die, they go to a place called the empty. I understood that to mean that it’s like nothingness, but I had a reaper tell me that the place is worse than hell. He is there because of me. I cannot and will not leave him there to rot.”

The tears pooling in Dean’s eyes were enough to sell the guy. Dean was gonna do this with or without him. When Dean had told him all those years ago that there wasn’t much hope and going after Isabelle was suicide, it didn’t matter. No amount of logic was gonna stop him. What he found when they finally did get to her though… it wasn’t her anymore, just a torn and broken corpse. He’d never gotten to bring her home. Maybe it could end differently for Dean. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”

Dean looked down at his watch. It was already 9 o’clock. “Now you finish that burger so we can get this show on the road.”

Carl shook his head and slid the bag over to Dean. “I lost my appetite.”

Dean shrugged, pulled the second burger out of the bag, balled up the wrapper and tossed it into the tiny, rusted trash can. “More for me.”

“I’m gonna head outside, make sure we have everything we need out there ready to go.” He walked out the door and over to his car. He owed Dean so damn much but was this the right way to repay that debt? He’d heard the stories. The guy was the best damn hunter in the country. He could definitely take care of himself, probably would kick whatever this was in the ass. But it felt off… it felt wrong. To stand by and “essentially” let him kill himself with little to no guarantee he’ll survive. He shook his head. Nope, can’t do it. He opened his phone and dialed the number Sam had given him before he left the restaurant.

Sam picked up on the first ring. “Hey Carl. Something happen?” 

“Look, I hate doing this, but I just can’t. He’s a mess about this angel thing and I need you to step in.”

“Carl, what happened? Why the sudden change?” Sam was already panicked, but this call was making him even more anxious.

“Nothing happened. I just don’t think he cares about surviving enough. I mean, I keep getting the impression that if he can’t get the angel out, he don’t really care what happens to him short of getting his body back to you. Sam, I’d follow him down this path unarmed and blindfolded if I though his plan included staying alive, no matter how slim the chances. Hell, I owe him that much. I feel like a jackass for doing this, but I just don’t think he’s thinking straight.”

“Yeah, don’t feel bad. This is another episode of the Dean and Cas drama of always being willing to die for the other, but not considering that maybe it’s better to actually live for each other. That is way too healthy for those two. Don’t worry. Me and Eileen are already at the barn. We parked the car out of sight, so he won’t know we’re here until you guys walk in.”

Yeah, it was a bitch move, but so was Dean going off on his own. Chuck set all this in motion. Even after he’d been defeated the mess he made of their lives just kept unraveling. Dean had been devastated when he found out. He believed Cas was just another pawn in Chuck’s stupid game and Sam knew it broke Dean’s heart a little. Yeah, he knew exactly how that felt. Truth be told, when he found out that Eileen was Chuck’s plant, it hurt. But he knew in his heart that having her back in his life may have been Chuck’s doing, the feelings were very real. Apparently, Cas was the most real thing in Dean’s life. The one person who chose Dean entirely of his own free will. Dean didn’t deserve to lose that. “Look man, you seem like a good guy and a good friend. And you’re right, Dean isn’t thinking straight. Lets just change the plan a little by all sticking together to make sure no one gets dead.”

“Thanks man, now I owe you one.” Carl smiled into the phone, feeling a little lighter already.

“No, you really don’t.” Sam insisted. “We’ll see you soon.”

******************

Last time Dean rode up to this barn it was with trepidation of the unknowing entity that pulled him from Hell. Why did it do it? What did it want? This time was different. He felt a new sense of resolve. A kind of new type of bravery that he’d never known before. There wasn’t any fear, just freedom. The freedom to make his own choices, to be his own person. To finally tell the damn truth. The only thing he was afraid of was failing.

The barn hadn’t changed much. He had been surprised to find out that it was still standing at all after all these years. The wood was a little more weathered and the side door was hanging on a single hinge, but other than that it looked like nothing had changed. He and Carl both grabbed their bags from the trunk and headed inside.

The minute he walked in, Dean walked straight into Sam. “What the hell, Sam?” He threw his bag on the ground and turned to Carl. “Really, you ratted me out?”

Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and pulled him to the side. “Dude, he feels bad enough. We’re all just worried. He’s scared you don’t care enough about surviving this and honestly, so am I. I mean, look at you, it’s like you’re not even a little worried about it.”

“For fucks sake, Sam. I’m not five.” He pulled his arm away from his brother. “I’m the damn big brother here, not you. Truth is, I’m tired. I think you know exactly what this is about and I think that deep down, you’ve known since he was taken that I was always gonna do this.” He put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “There’s no normal for me. There’s no happy ending, no toes in the sand. Not without Cas. I’m begging you, let me do this.”

“I’m not here to stop you. Really, I’m not. I get that you need to do this. We’re just here to help. Man, we’re here to help even if we can’t get him back. You have us. You have a reason to come back. It doesn’t seem like you care enough about coming back.”

“Okay, really? You idiots think I’m like ready to bite it or something? No, not even a little. For like the first time in forever, I actually want to survive. You said I’m not worried enough? That’s because I believe this will work. I don’t want to die. I want to get Cas out of the empty. If I die, he stays there forever. If this doesn’t work tonight, I want to live to try again. And really, there aint no way I’m gonna bite it in a dirty old barn.”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, that’s not your style, is it? Just let me come with you and help. You know we’re always better together. Double the chances of winning.”

“I need to do this alone this time. There are things…” He paused. “Things I need to say to him without you there.”

Sam pursed his lips and backed off. “Yeah, okay. I get it. Just please don’t do this is coming back to me isn’t your top priority. There’s no normal for me either if you’re not there. At the end, it’s supposed to be us.”

“This was always our journey, Sammy.” He shrugged. “We just picked up a few hitch-hikers along the way.” He looked over at Eileen and smiled. “We started this journey together, we’ll end it together. But Bobby was right; family don’t end with blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you like it so far. I'll update by next Tuesday.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Carl handed Dean a vial of grace that he’d gotten from a contact in Washington State. “Dean, the guy I got this from said…”

“I know.” Dean looked at the three worried faces staring at him and palmed the vial. “This will burn me from the inside out.” He turned to Sam. “Man, I didn’t want you here for this part. But technically, I will die with angel grace in me and that will get me into the empty.”

Sam took a deep breath and nodded. He knew Jack was involved in this, but it didn’t seem like Dean did. “Dean, where did you get the idea to do this?”

“Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just looking through some of the old lore books and I came across one that had instructions on how to get into the empty.”

“Did this book say how to get back out?”

“It said, in theory, when the angel grace burned completely out, the human soul would automatically be expelled”

“Expelled back out into a burnt-out body?” Sam questioned with a raised eyebrow. Yeah, he was skeptical. 

“Well, that’s where I’ll be counting on Cas to heal me?” He shrugged. “I’m not too sure. That part was a little vague. Like, maybe my soul will be sent somewhere else, but Cas will get me.”

“A little vague? You don’t know?” Sam raised his voice for the first time. “Dean, there may not be anything let of you to heal. And you’re depending on Cas? Dude, the only thing consistent about Cas’ powers was that he was consistently losing them. What if he can’t heal you?”

Dean shook his head and stepped back. “Sammy, we agreed that you’d let me do this.”

Sam ran his fingers through his long hair. “Yeah, I guess we did.” It was a damn good thing that he knew Jack was somehow behind this crazy plan otherwise there would be no way in hell he’d be letting his brother do this. Even if he had to knock him out and lock him in the dungeon until he came to his friggin senses. “Just be careful and don’t stay dead.”

“Well, bottoms up then.” Dean uncapped the vial took one las took at and swallowed it down like a shot of whiskey. The pain was immediately excruciating, erupting in a bright white light, then total blackness.

******************

“Son-of-a-bitch! I finally got them all back to sleep! Why are you here, boy?” The entity, wearing the appearance of John Winchester slowly stepped out of the blackness. “What do you want?”

Dean wasn’t surprised to see the face of his dead father. Cas had told him one night after a John Wayne movie marathon, how the entity liked to appear as people from the person’s past. 

“Oh, I want a lot of things, but the only thing I want from you is Cas.”

“Cas is mine. We had a deal, now go away.” The entity spat, shooing him with wave of his hand.

“Oh no. I’m not leaving without him.” Dean stood with his arms folded over his chest. “You want peace and quiet so bad? Give me Cas and you can get back to sleep.”

The entity laughed. “Really, like I couldn’t just ignore you? Isn’t that what everyone else has always done. You never really mattered to anyone. That’s why its always so easy for everyone to walk away from you. Your mother, your brother, your father, your precious angel. All of them left you willingly, Dean. There is nothing for you here. Just leave. You’re not important enough to bother me.”

Dean took a step forward, almost nose to nose with the entity that looked like his father. “Bitch, you aint met ‘bothersome’ until you’ve met me. I will literally tap dance all over your peace and quiet while singing bad karaoke just for shits and giggles.” He stared at the thing in front of him, refusing to back down. “Give me Cas.”

The entity took a step back and put tapped its lips with its index finger in thought. It smiled. “Fine, but let me warn you, Do you really believe that an actual angel would want you?” It smirked. “You don’t do you? Not really. Wouldn’t it be better to walk away thinking that he meant you, instead of waking him up just to hear the sad truth?” The entity circled around him like a predator stalking its prey. “You killed him, Dean. You took away his real purpose, his real identity and used him as a tool. See, in this place, I know what everyone thinks, how they really feel. He doesn’t really love you, Dean. You’re just a job, and a needy one at that.”

“Give – Me – Cas!” Dean raised his voice and stood his ground, but there was no hiding the crack in his voice.

“Or maybe I’ll just keep you here too. It’s not exactly unheard of. You’ll annoy me for a time, like a bug, but all that desperation, fear, self-hatred that you have in that head of yours… You’ll fit in here beautifully. I mean, it’s not like you have anything to go back to. Your car?” It laughed. “Just a memento of an abusive father who abandoned you on his obsessive search for revenge. Your brother? He’s better off with you gone. Maybe your new dog? The furry little replacement for Castiel.” It laughed again, hooked a finger under Dean’s chin to raise his head. “I’m surprised you didn’t name him after the angel. You Are Pathetic.” 

Dean shook the entity’s hand off him and stepped back. “You think I haven’t heard all this before? Bite me.”

“Maybe I will”

Give me Cas!”

“He doesn’t want you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” The entity snapped its fingers and stepped back, disappearing into the darkness. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

After what seemed like forever, Cas slowly stepped out of the blackness, confused and disheveled, his hair a mess and eyes tired. Dean… What? Is that really you?”

“Yeah Cas, its really me. You okay, buddy?” Dean stepped forward cautiously. “I’m here to take you home.” He hesitated, but Cas seemed to become more lucid, so he put his arm around the angel and pulled him into a tight embrace.

With a quick pat on the back, Dean pulled back. “You didn’t really think I I’d leave you here, did you?”

Cas smiled. “I’m very happy to see you, Dean.”

“Then let’s go home.” Dean grabbed for the Angel’s hand, but Cas pulled away. “I really wish I could… just leave with you. But I made a deal. The Empty kept it’s promise, now I have to keep mine.”

“Yeah, well it was a stupid deal and I intend to break it.” He tried to grab Cas’ hand again, but Cas took another step back. “Look man, I need you to come with me. If you won’t, I’ll die. The grace that I had to ingest to get here burned my organs. You have to heal me. I need you, Cas.” A little emotional blackmail never hurt anyone, right?

Cas nodded. “Of course, Dean. I’ll come with you.” Cas reached out for Dean and took his hand. “Let’s go.”

“Not so fast, boys.” 

Dean and turned around expecting to see the John Winchester Empty, but they didn’t expect Jack to be standing next to him. The ‘God’ they’d made a part of their family stood there still, even serene. “No.” Jack relaxed his stance and his eyes reflected sadness. “No more of this.”

Dean took a step forward, moving in front of Cas to protect from what he perceived as danger. “Yeah well, you’d leave the one and only person who believed in you to rot in the damn empty? Don’t think for a damn second you’re laying a hand on him. He’s not staying here.”

“I didn’t say he had to stay here. But angels don’t belong on Earth anymore, Dean.” Jack turned to Cas and gave him a sad smile. You can return to heaven; your powers will be restored. I’ve started to rebuild it and I could use your help. Or…”

Dean noticed that Cas had gravitated closer to Jack, so he grabbed the angel by the arm and pulled him back. “He’s going home… with me.”

Cas turned Dean to face him and placed both hands on either of Dean’s shoulders. “Dean, its fine. He’s right. Angels don’t belong on Earth. You don’t need me anymore. Jack will make sure that you’re healed and then you can have that freedom, that peace that you’ve always craved without heaven’s interference.”

Dean stepped back and blinked a few times at his friend. His chest hurt. “That’s it then? This is the thing you wanted but didn’t think you could have? To be welcomed back into heaven? To be a real angel again?” Dean had to blink a few more times to keep the tears from falling. 

“No, that’s…” Cas tried, but Dean shook his held and turned his back to him.

Jack walked over and turned Dean back to face Cas. “If you would both just let me finish.” He waited until both were paying attention. “He can go back to heaven as an angel, or he can go home with you, but as a human. But it’s entirely his choice. Not mine. Not yours, Dean. But he can’t leave here until he chooses.”

“Make it quick.” The entity hollered from the back, checking its watch.

“What kind of choice is that Jack?” Dean asked. “He has to choose between the essence of who he is and what, me?” He shook his head. That wasn’t even a choice. He turned and smiled at Cas. “At least I know you’re alive. You better stay that way too. No more pillow fights with the other angels. At least you won’t be here.”

“Is that what you want Dean? Do you want me to go back to heaven and be a ‘real angel’?” Cas asked with a tilt of his head.

“I wanted it to be me.” Dean said the sentence so quietly that if anyone else in the room had been human, it wouldn’t have been heard.

“What did you want to be you?”

“The one thing that would make you happy.” He shrugged. “Stupid right? I get it. I mean, how could I make you happy? I’m hard-headed and angry. I eat too much junk food and I never listen. I messed up so much and waited too damn long to tell you how important you are to me. Go home, be a wavelength of light or whatever.” He picked up Cas’ hand again. “But know that you changed me too and… and I…I love you too.”

Cas laughed. “Dean Winchester, you are an idiot. You are my only home.” 

Dean felt like all the air had left his brain. “Really?” Dean looked at the angel’s bright blue eyes, then his pink lips. “Can I kiss you now?”

“You never have to ask, Dean.” Cas moved forward and placed a chaste kiss to Dean’s lips. Dean smiled into it and deepened the kiss, forgetting they had an audience. 

He pulled back with a smirk. “We met in hell, might as well have or first kiss in the empty, right?” He looked up at Jack. “Can we go home now?”

Jack nodded. The Empty faded into the darkness. Jack approached the two and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Hope you like it so far. I think there's like 1 more chapter left to go. I'll try to get that up in the next few days or so.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

“I am feeling so lucky tonight. You losers better be ready to pay up.” Dean grinned at the cards in his hand. They were crap cards, but who cared? Family game night was once again in full force. The three others seated around the table all seemed to roll their eyes in tandem. “I will be bringing home all the winnings tonight.”

They’d just gotten home last night from a short trip to the beach. While they couldn’t make it all the way to Hawaii (they would get there eventually), Myrtle Beach in South Carolina wasn’t too bad. It was a two-day drive both ways, but it was worth it to see Cas see and feel all of it for the first time as a human… with Dean by his side. 

The five days they’d spent there were a little chilly, but that was just a good excuse to throw his arm around the dude’s shoulders. Yeah, maybe they should have waited till at least spring, but there was so much he wanted to show Cas and share with him. They’d ditched Eileen and Sam the first night there so Dean could take Cas on a moon-lit walk on the beach, a blanket wrapped around their shoulders. Cas seemed so happy. They shared beach food and watched the seagulls steal hot dogs from elderly people and kids. Seeing Cas laugh was the best thing ever.

“Hello.” Four pair of eyes looked up from the table to see Jack standing in the door frame. “How was your vacation?”

“Vacation-y.” Dean mumbled and placed his card face down on the table. After rescuing Cas, or as he found out later from Sam, being used by Jack to rescue Cas, he didn’t relish being anywhere near the kid. He grabbed his open beer bottle and stood up from the table. As he walked past Cas, he patted his shoulder and placed a quick kiss on the top of his head. “I’ll be in our room. Come get me when he leaves.”

Cas nodded, but caught Dean’s arm, stopping his escape. “I know you’re angry, but…”

“There’re are no buts, Cas. All he had to do was be honest. I would have done whatever he wanted to get you back.” He looked Jack dead in the eyes. “But he chose to be deceitful and play games instead. That’s not okay.”

Jack stepped out of the door frame and into the room. “Dean, I’m sorry. I had my reasons.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did. Still not okay, no matter the reasons.” Dean shot back.

“No, it wasn’t. But I took him from you twice. I just didn’t think you’d want me there. He made that deal because of me and I couldn’t get him to wake up. I thought it would be better if you did it on your own. I knew that the Empty would call me once you got in and I knew I could bargain with it. I was just trying to help. And it worked. Cas is back.” Jack took another cautious step and pulled Dean’s chair back out from under the table. “Please, just sit. I have something to ask all of you. I need a favor.”

Dean took a step closer to jack. “You think that’s all I’m mad about? Buddy, maybe you’re the one who should take a seat.” Dean pointed to the empty chair and moved back around to stand behind Cas. “You made him choose. Why? Because you didn’t trust him not to interfere?” I don’t get it. What could we possibly do for you?”

Sam and Eileen had both been silently watching the exchange. Neither one really had anything to add because Jack just disappeared without a word once Dean and Cas had reappeared. Cas seemed fine, but Dean was pissed. Sam couldn’t blame him once he heard the story. Really, Jack had to know that wasn’t a fair choice. There wasn’t anything Cas would choose over Dean. Apparently, everyone knew that except Dean.

Jack threw his hands up in defeat. “I didn’t. He wanted….” He paused, looking at Cas. “He would have only stayed an angel to protect you, be able to heal you if you ever got hurt because he thought that was what you needed him for.” Jack took a step forward. “You always did that. The rest of us knew the truth but for some reason, you’ve always been content to let him believe you want him around for his power. Even at the very end, when it mattered the most, you told him he had to come home with you so he could heal you. You actually said that you would die if he wouldn’t go home with you.”

“Dean, really? What the hell, man?” Sam crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, eyes on his brother. “What happened to me not coming with you because you had some things to say to him that you didn’t want me around for?”

Dean looked over at his brother and sighed. Feelings were easier for him than they were for Dean. He was emotionally constipated, everyone knew that. He wasn’t sure why Sam seemed so damn surprised now. Dean put his hands on the Cas’ shoulders and squeezed. “He knows that’s not true. I never said that was the only reason. I told him the truth.”

“Yes, you did. But, the only reason he knows differently now is because I wouldn’t let him leave with his powers.”

Cas turned around in the chair to face Dean. He smiled. “He’s right, Dean. He went about it the wrong way.” He looked at Jack. “You should have been honest.” He turned back to Dean. “I didn’t want the power anymore. It was draining away before I went to the empty because I was subconsciously choosing to fall. It scared me, but all I really wanted was to just grow old with you. To experience real life… with you. To make you happy. To see you smile for a change. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back.”

Dean cradled Cas’ face and stared into blue eyes that held his whole world. “I do. I do, Cas and I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

Jack smiled. “Don’t you guys get it? This life; its temporary and so very brief. We live, then we die. Finding happiness here, whatever that happiness may look like, that’s the real paradise, the true power.” He decided to sit down in the chair Dean had vacated. It didn’t look like Dean was going to move away from Castiel anyway. “I want that too. Life, I mean. And my mother, she deserves to live. I’ve arranged for us to come back here with me as a baby. The way it should have been. And my mom will get to be a mother.”

“So, like reincarnation?” Eileen asked from across the table.

“No, I found a house for us a few miles out of town. I showed it to my mom and she loves it. It has a big backyard and a garden. And that’s where my favor comes in.” He suddenly looked a little timid. “I was hoping that you guys would look in on us. You guys have such a great family with Jody, Donna, the girls. I would love to meet Garth someday. I want my mom to have that too. And me, I want you guys to be a part of my life.”

“Jack, slow down.” Sam took a sip of the beer that was quickly getting warm. “You’re telling us that ‘God’ is gonna move to Lebanon?”

“Well no, not really. I won’t remember anything or have any power.” A big smile lit up his face. “I’ll just be a regular kid. I’ll get to experience life like everyone else.”

“So, who’s gonna play God? How’s that even gonna work?” Dean asked, devoid of any sign he was ever angry at all. Hell, why would he be. The kid was right. He had Cas back.

“Aunt Amara.” He answered plainly, as though it should be obvious. “She deserves some autonomy after everything my grandfather did to her. After all the years that she was locked away, she deserves some freedom.” He looked around at the worried faces that surrounded them. “She has no interest in destroying or changing this world. After everything, she still loves her brother and sees this world as his perfect creation. Anyway, this world doesn’t need any tending to. Divinity is a part of its creation. It’s the essence of everything.”

“But Amara is the darkness. Won’t that tip the scales or something?” Sam asked. 

“No, Chuck was the light, but the light was never destroyed, just transferred. She’ll become both and be in perfect balance. That’s actually what she always wanted. And after I die, I’ll return and then Aunt Amara and I will decide what’s next.” Jack seemed to have an answer for everything. 

Dean couldn’t argue with that. Afterall, the kid did deserve a chance to experience the world without all the baggage. It didn’t really sit right with him, Jack being the new God. Everyone should get to have a childhood, even if he never did. “So, how do we make ourselves a part of your new life? I mean we can’t just show up one day and announce ourselves as your three dads. That would be more than a little creepy. Kelly won’t remember either, right?”

“No, we talked about that and we both think it would be wrong to erase her memories. She wants to remember everything. I’ve just asked that she, and you guys, never tell me.” Jack answered simply. Sam nodded in agreement across the table. Taking someone’s memories, that was the worst possible thing to do to someone.

“I get it, really.” Dean chimed in. “But in this case, if you guys are planning on having a normal life, that could be tough. All that crap she went through. How could she possibly have a normal life after that?

Jack seemed confused. “The same way you guys will. Bad things happen. It’s a part of life. Would you want me to take your memories away? No matter how bad they are, they’re what makes you the people you are.”

“Jack, Sam and Dean were raised as hunters. I was an angel for a millennia. Kelly was just thrust into it all. She was impregnated by Lucifer, held captive by a prince of hell, chased by angels, and died in excruciating pain.” Cas may have become human, but he still did not sugar coat things.

“Yes she did.” Jack raised his head proudly. “But she never stopped loving me. She never stopped wanting to protect me or giving me life. She died for me. She’s the strongest person I know. Sadness, pain, trauma. It effects all humans in different ways. But life is always worth living, even if you have to live with the memories of those things because no matter how dark things may get, in life, there is always hope.”

“You really think we can all live some big, happy, normal life after everything?” Dean asked, secretly impressed by the kid’s maturity. 

“Maybe not ‘normal’, but a good life, yes.” He shrugged. “I’m sure they’ll be bad days, but that’s why we have family, to help us get through the bad times. And who gets to decide ‘not normal’ has to be bad?”

“So, I guess we all just pretend to be your weird uncles from across town, knowing you’re really God.” Dean joked.

“I guess you better spoil me then. Make sure my mom has lots of Crunch Cookie Crunch… and nougat. Don’t let her make me like Sam.” He looked over at Sam and grinned.

“It’s a deal, kid.” Dean agreed all to quick.

Sam huffed. “I actually take offence to this conversation.”

“Yeah, well your diet is offensive.” Dean returned. “You wanna stay for a few hands of poker?” He asked Jack.

“Yes, and I would like some beer. It’ll be a while before I can have any after this.” The kid answered with a grin. 

Dean slid a cold one over to him and picked up the cards from the previous hand.

“Go get another chair from the library, Dean. You don’t get to stand up and sneak peaks at everyone else’s hand.” Sam groused from the other side.

“No, I’m just gonna sit on my boyfriend’s lap.” Dean joked and plopped down on Castiel. “This is cool with you right?”

“No Dean, it’s not cool with me. You will be able to see my cards and I intend to defeat you tonight.” Cas pushed him off his lap. “Go get your own chair and prepare to ‘pay up’ as you would say.”

******************

The game that night, lasted well into the early morning with Eileen actually being the big winner in the end. 

Three months later Eileen, Jody, Donna, Charlie, and the girls threw Kelly a traditional baby shower complete with silly games, presents, and lots of food. Sam, Dean and Cas all kept their promise to be a part of Jack’s life.

Life wasn’t perfect or normal by any means. The four of them supported other hunters mostly from the safety of the bunker. Eileen snuck out sometimes to hunt on her own and that drove Sam crazy. Dean still had occasional nightmares and many, many bouts of emotional constipation, but Cas and Miracle were always there to help him through it. Cas had trouble every now and again adjusting to humanity and all the preposterous things it entailed, like not being able to lift heavy things to impress Dean and needing reading glasses. They’d occasionally pick up cases if other hunters weren’t available and lives were in danger. The bumps and bruises took longer to heal and digging up graves, well that was torture. Cas especially disliked not being able to heal those bumps and bruises. Family game night became a monthly reunion with the entire extended family. Even Garth brought his entire family over a few times a year. No, life wasn’t perfect or normal, but it was their life and it was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. I hope you found it enjoyable. I have to admit, it was a little difficult considering everything. It was, in the end, very therapeutic. Thanks again and feel free to let me know what you think.


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